Around this time, Josh showed me a listing of a house that was for sale in Collierville. I almost didn't even look at it because I thought he was crazy! We were about to have a baby and be without almost half our monthly income, and he was wanting me to look at a house! But I was curious and thought what can it hurt to look at the pictures. Of course, the house was beautiful, and the kind of house in which I dreamed of raising my children. So, I quickly forgot about it and focused on preparing for baby number three!
On Easter Sunday, a few weeks after Ollie was born, we were again looking at house listings. This time, however, we were looking at houses for Josh's grandmother to possibly buy. She had been wanting to downsize a little, and move to Collierville. She brought up the fact that she would love for us to be able to get a larger house to have plenty of room for our growing family. In our current home, Harper and Breckin were sharing a room, and because Breckin was an early riser, it would be great for her to have her own room. However, we were content where we were. It was working for now, and we were not in a hurry to get a different house. Like I said earlier, we were down an income at the time, and we had a newborn at home. Not a great time to be looking at buying a new house.
In our shopping for houses for Nanny, we came across the same house that we looked at months ago. We couldn't believe it was still for sale in this market. Just for kicks we thought let's drive by and see if it actually is still for sale. Surely, it just hasn't been updated online. As we stopped in front of the house, I stepped out to get a flyer, and a lady working in the yard said, "Hey, do you want to look at it? We've already moved out." Again, I thought this is a waste of time, but sure why not. So we walked in and looked around, and of course I still loved it. After that, it was like a whirlwind of events happening. We spoke with our mortgage guy and found out we could likely get that house with the same amount of mortgage we are paying now. We spoke with our realtor, and found out that comps in our neighborhood were outstanding.
So, we thought let's go for it-we would put our house up for sale, and just see what happens. We listed it, and within hours, we had an offer for asking price. A woman wanted the house and didn't even want to look at it. She loved it, and had no contingencies. So, we put an offer on the house we wanted, and they accepted less than asking price. Somehow, we managed to get our dream home, sell ours, and have money to put in the bank. I knew that God would provide and be faithful, but I had no idea that we would be moving our family of five into a house I had only dreamed of having. Not only that, but we had extra money to buy furniture that we needed, and put some aside to take a family vacation that we again had only dreamed of taking. God didn't just provide what we needed-He went above and beyond to bless us more than we ever would have imagined.
It was a little stressful moving in with three children, one of whom was a newborn, but thankfully we had a lot of help from our parents. We quickly got settled in, and I was just in love. I would literally stop and look around at my family in this home and think, "There's nothing better than this." I would rock my baby on our big front porch and feel the coolness of the shade from our big trees, and feel so grateful. Breckin had a large flat driveway to ride her tricycle around on, and Harper had a rope swing in the backyard that she absolutely loved. Each girl had her own bedroom, and Breckin was so proud of her big bed with flowers on the comforter. Breckin quickly learned how to go up and down the stairs by herself (with my close supervision of course), and was already learning her way around downstairs.
Then a short three months later, our world fell apart. After Breckin passed away, and we had to come home without her, I started questioning God. Why would He bless us so greatly just a few months before just to then tear our world down around us? Why would He allow us to move into this home made for a family of five knowing a few months later, we would be a family of four again? The beautiful, perfect, idyllic dream home just became a reminder to me of what I had lost. I had pictured raising all three of my girls in this home, and now I would only be raising two. Then I had to remind myself as I have had to many times in the past several years, that God's timing and God's ways are not mine. I have shared this verse on my blog before, but Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I know that God is sovereign, and that I will never understand His ways. But I trust that He knows what is best. I have seen it in my past and have to trust that He is in this too. I am beyond thankful for our home, and I still feel so blessed to be here. There is definitely a void here, but I know that it would be that way anywhere we lived.
Right before Christmas, we received a beautiful gift from our besties in Murfreesboro. They are college friends of mine, and they love us dearly. Their family has meant so much to our family, especially over the last few months. I honestly would not have gotten through the months after Breckin's funeral without them. They sent us a canvas of our home, and above the house, is pictured a small rainbow. Josh and I bawled when we opened it, because they know how much we love our home, but also how much we miss our Breckin. This picture just represents to me God's blessing on our life, and another reminder that God keeps His promises. We have lost much, but we also have much to be thankful for. It also helps me to remember that in times of wilderness in our life, God has led us out by a different way than I thought. And, I have hope that He will lead us through this as well.
Love, B
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