Experiencing Joy Through The Trials

    It has been four weeks now since we have come home from the hospital, and I feel like we are starting to settle in a little to our new normal. I won't lie to you though. The first two weeks after coming home, especially the second week, was pure awful! Breckin was fussing all the time. If she wasn't sleeping, she was crying. She was also up at night every couple hours and very difficult to console. It seemed like all she wanted was to be held all the time! It was taking us hours to feed her because we could not get her settled down to take her tube feeds, and she would push all her feeds back up her tube. We were sleep-deprived and dealing with a difficult baby on top of that. Everything about caring for Breckin was hard. Everything.
     I finally took her to the pediatrician and she put her on Zantac for reflux and a probiotic. I can't say that either of these things has been a life-changer, but things have definitely improved. Breckin is still waking up at night, but she does sleep about 4-5 hours at a time. Josh and I usually trade off getting up for the middle of the night feed, so we seem to be getting more sleep. She still is just a fussy baby. She hates being messed with. Changing her diaper, bathing her, and changing her clothes is not a pleasant experience for any of us. She also fights the bottle about every other feeding, and sometimes only takes a few milliliters of milk. Thankfully, we don't have to fight her to give her meds because we can give them in her tube. She is currently on four meds and a multivitamin, plus gas drops when needed. One of her meds is an antibiotic for a skin infection around her tube site, so this one will be gone in a few days.
     It's not like much has improved greatly since we got home, but I think the biggest thing is how God has changed my heart. I was not experiencing joy. I was not seeing this child as the blessing that she is. I would actually say out loud several times a day, "I can't do this!" And if you know me, that is not my nature. I am a strong-willed no-quitter person. I don't allow Harper to say the word "can't." To me, that is a curse word. When I set my mind to something, I accomplish it! However, I was relying on my own strength to handle things, and not giving it to God. I was not spending time in His word to get charged and fueled for the tasks of the day. So of course I felt like I couldn't do it. because I couldn't. I needed the Lord for strength!
     One morning I listened to one of our pastor's sermons from a while back entitled, "Faith in the Midst of the Storm." The sermon focused on the passage in Luke chapter 8 where Jesus and his disciples were in their fishing boat in the middle of the sea when a storm erupted. This is a short passage, but it has been a life-changer for me. I will never read this story the same way again. Brother Chuck made so many parallels to these verses that are so relevant and applicable to anyone's life today. I encourage you to listen to this sermon. It will change your way of looking at life's challenges. I learned from this passage and his sermon that I have to let Jesus come with me through the challenging times. I must abide with Him every single day by spending time reading the Bible and talking to Him. I also learned that going through a storm should be a time when my faith should grow. God's ultimate purpose is for my life to be conformed to that of Jesus Christ. I shouldn't allow this challenging time to come between me and the Lord, but to bring us closer. I need to see this time as opportunity for personal growth and as an opportunity to be there for others when they are going through a tough time.
     I do not know how I would make it through each day without Jesus in my life. If you are reading this and going through a storm in life, cling to the Lord. See this as a time to strengthen your faith and to be thankful to God for letting you go through this because of what He is going to accomplish in your life. If you are reading this and you do not have Jesus in your life and do not know Him as your Lord and Savior, I encourage you to let Him in. He knows that we are all sinners and not worthy of His love, but He gives it to us freely. He wants a relationship with us and wants us to spend eternity with Him in heaven. All we have to do is admit that we are a sinner, believe that He saved us from our sins by allowing His only son Jesus to die on a cross for us, and surrender our lives to Him.
     People have asked me how I go through this and deal with hard times like this and this is how. It is because I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and commit to living for Him. That doesn't mean that life is going to be easy, or that it is ever easy to completely trust Him and live for Him. It is something that I have to constantly work on everyday, but it is so much better with Him! I can actually say I have true joy despite my circumstances, and that is something that I wish for everyone! Here is the link for the sermon I mentioned.: http://cfbconline.com/sermons#!/swx/pp/media_archives/116380/episode/21595
Also I encourage you to visit our church, First Baptist Church in Collierville, TN if you live locally and do not have a church home. We would love to have you!
   
Love,
Brooke

And of course my blog post would not be complete without some pictures of Little B!