First Week At Home

     We have been home for a full week now! Our days no longer consist of cafeteria food, waiting on doctors to round, the incessant beeping of monitors, showering in public restrooms, and living out of suitcases. I will however miss a few things from our 6-week stay at LeBonheur. I'll miss the oatmeal and pancakes for breakfast, spending hours binge-watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, the handful of wonderful nurses who loved on our baby, the free meal vouchers I got as a breastfeeding mom, and the memories that we made there with Harper. LeBonheur truly is a wonderful hospital that especially caters to children. When Harper came to visit us, she had so much fun getting books to read from the Family Resource Center (their library), walking down the hall of mirrors, watching a movie in the movie theater, eating in the cafeteria, and enjoying all the Christmas activities. The time we spent at LeBonheur was a very difficult time for our family, but it's also a time when we made a lot of memories that we will cherish forever.
     Being home has been so nice, but it has also been a big adjustment. Going from one to two children is a big change. Harper has become more needy lately and has been wanting me to spend more time with her than usual. This thrills my heart, but it also makes me a little sad since I have to split my time now. Breckin is not only a newborn, but a newborn who requires a little more care than usual. She eats every 3-4 hours like a regular baby, but for 20 minutes, she struggles with taking her bottle. This is due to her cleft palate, her heart defect, and her thickened milk which makes it more difficult to extract. Then, for the next 20-30 minutes, we put the remainder of her total feed in a syringe that is attached to her G-tube and this is taken by gravity. For her to tolerate her feeds, she must be calm and still which can sometimes be challenging. We also have to hook up an oxygen monitor to her twice a day to check her oxygen level. In addition to just feeding her, we have to mix breast milk with a fortifier for extra calories, and then thicken part of this to give in her bottle. After feeding, all the parts of her G-tube must be washed, and the area around the tube cleaned.
     The first full week since being home, I have felt like my life revolves around feeding Breckin. There are times when I get so frustrated and think how in the world am I going to live my life? How are we ever going to get out of the house and do something fun? How are we going to feed her when we are out in public? The past couple days we have been able to get out for a couple hours at a time, going to the park and visiting my co-workers, but we come back home in time to feed Breckin. I know that things will get a little easier, and I am hoping and praying that we will not have to use the G-tube for a long time. Right now Breckin is taking about an ounce and a half of milk in her bottle. My prayer is also that she continues to take more and more in her bottle.
     The other big adjustment of course is the lack of sleep. With Harper, this was not really an issue except for the first few weeks of her life. She started sleeping through the night at about four weeks, and we never really had to train her to do it. What I have discovered though is that we were in the minority. Most babies do not sleep through the night that early, and most don't usually do it until three months of age. I have to keep telling myself this when I'm awakened by a crying baby in the wee hours of the morning, and fighting fatigue throughout the day. I am so super thankful to have a wonderful husband who gets up in the middle of the night to do a feeding, letting me sleep. He has also taken care of both girls one day this week which allowed me to get a four-hour nap! So, things could be worse. I'm so grateful that Josh has a flexible job that allows him to help me out. I don't know what I would do without him!
     Things are going okay around here. We are going through most of the same things that other parents to new babies go through. I truly have to focus on the moment at hand. If I think about the future at all, even a few hours into it, I stress myself out. My daily prayer is just that God will supply me with exactly what I need when I need it. And so far, He has done exactly that. It is amazing to see how He is constantly working in our lives. When I feel like I'm at my wit's end and don't know how to keep going, He provides just enough strength to get me through the current situation. When I feel so worn and tired hat I feel like I can't do anything else, He provides rest. When I'm struggling with a whining toddler who insists on being pushed in a stroller, I'm given a stroller that can accommodate both kids. And when I'm completely overwhelmed by the medical bills that are already piling in, I am continuously supplied with financial support from friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers.
     I truly feel blessed that God gave us this sweet girl to love and raise. I also feel ill-prepared and totally unequipped for the task. I try not to ask myself the question of "why?" I know that He has a reason for choosing Josh and I to be this sweet baby's parents. I just pray that I can show her the love that she deserves, and give her everything that she needs to live a fulfilling, happy life. "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21, ESV).

Love,
Brooke

 Her first bath at home

 Ready for her check-up at the pediatrician's office

 A little half-smile

She's so sweet when she's sleeping